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Nov. 3rd, 2009

embrace life by inspireoncemore

The most emotionally draining day of my life!

Today I had to job shadow a social worker with the visiting nurses in my area, and it was absolutely the most emotionally draining day of my life! Seeing the poverty, hopelessess, and general despondence of the elderly living in my area was just too much for me. Before 10am we had to put a lady in a psych hold because she was really going to kill herself. I was sitting there in the midst of this suicide crisis whilst she was sobbing and trying to convince us to let her die, and it was all I could do not to cry. I met a husband taking care of his wife eventhough they are going to lose everything in a few months because they can't afford to pay for their medical bills. It was all just horrible. I could never do what they do. It's jus too much for me. I feel so drained, like I ran a marathon.

Oct. 30th, 2009

happy place

Full Time Job!!!!

I FINALLY got a full time job! I decided not to go with home care because the thought of being stuck in somone's smelly home all day turned me off to that. I took a job at a regular long term care facility in a nearby city, but it pays $9.55/ hour which is over a dollar more than I am making now (a lot for Indiana too!). I am excited. We have color coded scrubs though, so I had to buy new ones but I guess it will pay off. They wear white bottoms (ugh) and navy tops with optional white jackets. It could be worse, the top wpild be white too. I start this coming Friday, one week from today on 3-11's. I am so excited to get away from the swing shifts I have been on. Switching from 2-10's to 6-2's and sometimes random short shifts is so hard for me! I have had so much insomnia lately, and I think this will really be a help to me. I could not be happier, and the drive is only 10 minutes straight shot. The facility smelled good and has a good record as far as state inspections. Perhaps this will my place.

Sep. 28th, 2009

happy place

Home Care?

I have an interview with a home care agency tomorrrow morning. I have never done home care before, and I am a little hesitant to work without a facility. Any tips or things I should be asking? Any thoughts on those who work home care as a CNA? I am still not sure I want to do this, so any advice is much appreciated. :) Thanks!

Sep. 27th, 2009

wall e

Things are Looking up a bit

This week is going to be such a crazy sauce week! Loads of things are going on. I put out 15 apps/resumes as of yet. I have an interview on Tuesday with a home care agency, the shifts are 12 though, so I am not sure about that. I talked to the visiting nurses association in my home town, and they are supposed to call me back this week. I am also going to talk to some facilities this week too. I need a full-time job really badly.

I have a doctor's appointment Wednesday to see about my PCOS. I am nervous about that, but I have lost 15 pounds so far. So, atleast they know that I am trying. I really hope that I can afford the pelvic ultrasound to get my ovaries examined properly. I know there has to be something wrong with me becasue I definately should be pregnant by now if I was normal. We've been trying since May! I never imagined it would be so difficult. Well wish me luck all!

Sep. 24th, 2009

bright side


So, I have to find a full time job asap. My husband and I can't afford for me to be going to school full time, so I have to drop out next semester and find work. I am not super excited about it, but you've got to do what you've got to do. We have bills and student loan payments and lots of debt. C'est la vie. I have put out about 15 apps/resumes as of late. I think I am doing alright on that front. I really hope someone gives me a chance at a decent job. I really need this. Wish me luck. Luck to everyone else in the same prediciment.

Next week I go back to the doctor to see what is wrong with my ovaries. I am getting tests done and an exam to see why I can't get pregnant. I am just praying that it is good news. I don't know if I can handle bad news on that front now.

Sep. 17th, 2009

happy pills

Sick Day # 4

At this point I suspect Bronchitis as I have never stayed home sick this long in my adult life. Boo. I am getting to bored at home coughing my brains out and watching Law and Order re-runs. It is killing me not being able to sing...I can't even attempt singing without going into a full blown coughing fit! UGH. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 10:30am, I am hoping for some antibiotics and maybe some nice codiene. Anything would help. My tylenol cold medicine is not helping at this point.

Yesterday, I was able to submit six resumes to different physician's offices in hopes that maybe one will call me back. I know it is a long shot as none of them are explicitly hiring, but you never know. I just hope I get something decent soon. I miss my scrubs and stethoscope. I even miss the sick people. I need something to help me get through this rut...a better job with the possibility of upward mobility would be a plus.

Sep. 16th, 2009

happy pills

Contemplations on a Sick Day

I’ve been home sick for three days now and it has left me with a lot of time to think as well as do homework, I am done for the week with that and it’s only Tuesday, and I feel as though I am caught in some sort of never-ending cycle of ugh. I never seem to get where I want to be, it is as if I am shooting a bow and the arrow always ends up slightly off center despite my best aim. I feel like I cannot seem to make the correct decision no matter how long I ponder over it. Perhaps I am decision challenged as I once previous thought. I just feel like going back to school was absolutely the wrong decision. I am starting to despise school in all forms, and I no longer care about my classes. I am learning the same things I learned back in the social work program at PNC. I just want to take my RMA test and get a good MA job if that is even possible at this point. I feel like no matter how hard I try I can never succeed. I know that is very depressed teenager of me, but it is how I am feeling. My husband’s utter despair at his crappy job is not helping either.

I just want to get a good job, work there for a year or so, and then stay home with babies. I am waiting until October 1st to find out if I will indeed be able to have said babies. If I can’t who know what I will do. I am defiantely up for a change right about now…I just don’t know what or how. (love how that rhymed).

Aug. 12th, 2009


Walked into another Job

Every good job I've ever gotten  was got my accident. I'm fairly certain that this doesn't happen to many people, but it happens to me. Today, I got a second part time job that I was offered yesterday because I was the nicest person to ask a question that day. I am going to be working at the financial aid office in my school. Like I tell my husband, being nice to strangers really pays off sometimes because you never know who you are going to meet! There is a great proverb about just that:
"Do not neglect hospitality, for through it some have unknowingly entertained angels. " Hebrews 13:2
One of my favorite proverbs. It has helped me throughout my life. Usually when things get though a stranger helps me out and for that I am grateful and so blessed.

I also found out that the federal and state government is going to pay over 100% of m schooling! I am ridiclously excited. I am going to be getting paid to go to school with grants. I have never been happier. I can finally afford to do the things I want to do. Again, I feel so blessed. I really do.

With all of the wonderful things happening in my life, I remember that I really need to start going to church. I've been looking for a good one to try out and I think I have found a few to try. It is scary going alone because my husband isn't a fan of organized religion. I am going to try out an Assemblies of God church maybe next week because I work this weekend. I spent a year as a United Pentecostal and it was far too strict for me, I think the Assemblies of God will be a better fit for me though it is a HUGE church! I am used to smaller churches so that will be an adjustment. We'll see.

Now I just have to pray that my current boss will allow me to take less hours so that I can concentrate on school.

Aug. 9th, 2009

wall e


Well, I am not pregnant. I am a little sad about that; I was a lot sad when I found out. My body is still going haywire and I may need more tests if my period doesn't show up soon. That worries me a little.

Other than that, I finally chose my major! I gave it a lot of thought, and I realized that nursing is really not the best option for me and what I want. I have been going back and fourth with it for years, and I know my heart is not in it. I want to do something that I love, and that is not nursing. I have decided to go into human services. It is a very broad field and I don't know where it will take me, but I am excited to find out! I have 2 years of gen ed and behavioral science courses, so I only need to take about 12 more courses to graduate with my AS in Human Services with a generalist concentration. I am exicted because I feel like I can really succeed with this and be happy. I can still help people, but my life won't be all sick people and nursing homes. I will have lots of different opportunities and I can always get my BS in social work too. :)

Aug. 5th, 2009

happy place

Doctor's Appt.

I went to the doctor today for a Hcg blood test to see if I'm pregnant. It should have been quick and easy, but of course it wasn't. I had to see a different doctor than I am used to because I needed an appointment asap. The new doctor was an a**hole! He actually asked me why I needed to know if I was pregnant! Seriously, who asks you that? Why would I not want to know? Why would anyone not want to know? I knew the first moment I saw him that he was not going to be very nice; no bedside manner at all! He was just rude all around. The nurses, however, were very nice and they really took care of me. The phlebotomist was wonderful too. Now I get to wait 24 to 48 hours for the result. I am so nervous...I really want it to be positive but I am so afraid that it won't be. Who knows...this is really stressing me out though.

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