I’ve been home sick for three days now and it has left me with a lot of time to think as well as do homework, I am done for the week with that and it’s only Tuesday, and I feel as though I am caught in some sort of never-ending cycle of ugh. I never seem to get where I want to be, it is as if I am shooting a bow and the arrow always ends up slightly off center despite my best aim. I feel like I cannot seem to make the correct decision no matter how long I ponder over it. Perhaps I am decision challenged as I once previous thought. I just feel like going back to school was absolutely the wrong decision. I am starting to despise school in all forms, and I no longer care about my classes. I am learning the same things I learned back in the social work program at PNC. I just want to take my RMA test and get a good MA job if that is even possible at this point. I feel like no matter how hard I try I can never succeed. I know that is very depressed teenager of me, but it is how I am feeling. My husband’s utter despair at his crappy job is not helping either.
I just want to get a good job, work there for a year or so, and then stay home with babies. I am waiting until October 1st to find out if I will indeed be able to have said babies. If I can’t who know what I will do. I am defiantely up for a change right about now…I just don’t know what or how. (love how that rhymed).